The two most likely reasons you go all out, plan a big, fat wedding where you spare no expense are:
- Society’s expectations (i.e log kya kahaingey)
From what designer jora you wear to which makeup artist you booked for the baraat to the choice of wedding banquet and whether the dinner had an expensive fish item and a fancy dessert bar, everything will be scrutinized. You can hire the best caterers and most sought after makeup artist but there will always be busybodies who will find keeras in something or the other. Hence, stop thinking about log kya kahaingey as they WILL speak regardless. Often, people are inclined to do a simple wedding but the fear of judgment from society makes them change their mind. You wouldn’t want to be called a kanjoos now, would you? SMH!
- YOLO or in this case YOMO (you only marry once, at least that’s the hope unless you are an Arab sheikh)
To the people who use this as a reason to empty their dad’s pockets or their own for that matter, I won’t preach. As long as whatever you are spending on is to satisfy yourself, go ahead, do it. I know I did.
Having said that, here is a little advice from someone who has been through the madness. To pick up one aspect, let’s talk designer wear. It is a grueling task, to put it mildly. From calling them for appointment bookings and bearing with their often rude secretaries to meeting the divas in person and tolerating their haughtiness, it is one difficult feat.* However, when you see the end product, you tend to forget all the melodrama that went into making it. It is perfect (hopefully).
You will wear it on your wedding day, proudly boast of the designer you chose when aunties will inquire (and they will), guests will act awestruck about how magnificent it is. Fast forward to a month after the wedding… the jora is lying in your closet, neatly wrapped in a malmal cloth, to prevent the work from getting rusty and tangled. This is the return of a 4-10 lac investment of your (or your dad’s) hard earned money. I don’t know about you but these were the thoughts I had and still have when I look at my bridal dress sitting in my closet, taunting me.
The love I felt for it is slowly evaporating, turning into regret. The opportunity cost that I could not see back then as I was blinded by the ‘wedding fever’ and peer pressure is so clear now. I could have bought gold from that money or invested in some stock. Heck, I could have used it for a fancy vacation to an exotic location.
I guess the point I’m trying to make is that you will look great on your wedding regardless of whether you wear a designer dress or one you get made from the kaam-wala. Trust me, at the end of the day, the photos are all that remain of D-day and those photos are usually beautiful, regardless of the jora.
Every day, my Facebook newsfeed is bombarded with pictures of people getting married, and usually, the comments talk about how amazing the bride looks. There is very little said about the clothing. Many dressed in not-so-extravagant dresses look equally gorgeous.
My two cents: Please do not put too much focus on the dress. Rather, spend on a good photographer who captures good angles of you and your beloved. Go for grand locations. After all, pictures are what will remain life long as memories. You will likely have your dress too, but it’s not like you can don it at every random wedding and flaunt it.
*I am not generalizing the entire lot of designers, just highlighting what is common amongst many. Pakistani designers still have a long way to go in terms of professionalism and customer service.